beauty pedicure feet fetish
Advice, Features, Opinion

Ask a Sexologist: Foot fetishes, porn, and chemsex

Our resident sexologist Richelle Menzies answers your questions about all things sex and sexuality.

Ace feet

I’m in a loving relationship with an incredible woman.

I’m pretty sure I’m asexual, mostly because I have very little desire ever for sex, and when I do have it, it’s very fleeting.

I recently mentioned to my partner that I can tell if someone has attractive feet, which I thought was normal! But she’s been suggesting that maybe I have a foot fetish.

She says that to her, feet are just feet, and that I seem to have a preoccupation with hers. I often want to clean them or give her a pedicure.

I don’t feel any kind of sexual attraction to them and I don’t want to rub my bits on them! Is this perhaps some kind of asexual experience of fetish?

– Confused About Feet

Hello Confused About Feet,

An attraction to feet is a very common one, and it may or may not be a fetish.

A fetish is usually an attraction to an object or body part that creates sexual arousal of some kind.  If you don’t feel any sexual arousal but delight in the pleasure of caring for feet, it may be more of a submissive act of service rather than a fetish.

Either way, this is not uncommon, and as long as your worship of feet is consensual, then there is nothing to worry about.

I am interested in your comment about being able to tell if someone’s feet are attractive – is this without even looking at them? That is quite a gift.

Girls on film

I’m a gay man with a pretty typical high sex drive. I watch a reasonable amount of porn, and I go through phases of being into different kinds of content.

The thing is that gay porn never seems to do much for me, and while I’m not remotely interested in sex with women, I watch almost exclusively straight porn.

It doesn’t bother me, but I wonder if this is a bit unusual?

– Tits Appreciator

sex sexologist couple

Hello Tits Appreciator,

An interest in porn that is vastly different from the kinds of sexual encounters we actually are having is not unusual.

There are lesbians who like gay male porn, straight women who like lesbian porn, and gay men like you who like straight porn and love breasts.

Our fantasies can often be very different to what we actually enjoy in real life. It may even be less about the gender of the participants but more about what they are doing or the way they interact that you enjoy.

Now, Freud might have a whole other take on this, something to do with being breastfed, but that is very outdated.

Breasts are very beautiful to many different people, so enjoy.

Wandering toys

I had a rather unpleasant mishap during a chemsex session recently that involved a butt plug getting lost inside me and having to be retrieved.

My memory of what happened is a bit hazy, but we definitely weren’t very careful, and suffice to say I’m now taking antibiotics for a urinary tract infection.

What can I do to make sure these things don’t happen in any similar situations, and aren’t butt plugs meant to stay put? 

– Burning Remorse

Hello Burning Remorse,

Firstly, ouch on the butt plug issue and the UTI. Sounds very unexpected and unpleasant and quite an interruption to a wonderful time.

Secondly, yes, butt plugs are meant to stay put and not get lost inside you. This is why they have a flange at the end.

I think it might be a good idea to explore different options regarding butt plugs and find the one that suits you, with a flange that is the right size, to not cause this issue again.

As for the UTI, always ensure there is no transfer of bacteria from the anus, through the use of condoms and/or proper cleaning.

Also, drink plenty of fluids (which can be forgotten with the use of drugs) and urinate after sex to help flush out any bacteria.

Send your anonymous questions about sex, gender, and relationships to Ask a Sexologist.

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